What feels different when you're married?

I was asked this question on Saturday night after several alcoholic beverages and some crazy wedding dancing and realised just how bad I am at explaining things.

It was my sister-in-law's partner doing the asking and the conversation left  me with a nasty taste in my mouth and the sudden urge to punch him (nothing new there then). I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind to be answering such deep and meaningful questions...

Him: Elle, what exactly feels different about being married?

Me: Well, it's a number of things but a very individualistic sort of thing I think.

Him: Yeah but what is it for you?

Me: Well, I feel a lot more sort of secure in myself now...

Him: Oh, well, we have financial security already so I suppose that's that... We have a Death Loan we do, yeah, a mortgage. We don't need to get married.

At this point my sister-in-law grows quieter still.

Him: Yeah marriage is all pretty pointless really.

That was the moment I wanted to smack him. Talk about getting railroaded in a conversation! And the fact that by "secure" he actually thought I meant in a financial sense! That was just downright offensive.

So, here is my official answer:

Being married takes everything in a relationship to a new level, not just the good stuff either. You think you can't love anyone more than you already do?? You're wrong, you can. Trust? There's loads more of that too. A deeper understanding of each other. Yes. The absolute certainty inside of you that no matter how bad things get, you'll have someone to cling on to. You look at each other differently, like you can see each others souls. Sam knows me better now than in the 6 years we were together before being married. The security I was talking about has nothing to do with money and more to do with knowing above all else he'll love me until the end of days. Even on the days when loving me will be the hardest thing he has to do. It's a different level of compromise altogether because you find yourself thinking less about yourself and more for the greater good of the unit you have become. And the level support between you becomes this epic foundation to a life of greater achievements that before you could only dream of.

You can tell me you have this with your partner because you live together, or because you've been together for years or even because you just feel like that. But marriage makes a difference. It wouldn't exist if it truly didn't have a purpose, a greater good.

Marriage isn't for everyone but I always knew it was for me, luckily Sam loved me enough to change his way of thinking (he also wasn't a huge fan of marriage) and he married me.

Before I Die

I was thinking today, randomly as you do, of things I'd like to do before I die.

I can think of 5 realistic (and achievable) things that I really want to do.
Some were dreamt up when I was much younger and others have appeared more recently. 
Either way I am writing them down here for future reference:


1. Live in Paris

2. Feed a giraffe

3. Visit the Pomona car show (walk the walk)

4. Hug Gok Wan

5. Own a Dalmatian

Magic Mike

So last weekend I went to see Magic Mike, the latest Channing Tatum film which involved him playing lead role as a male stripper. I have seen his impressive dance skills in numerous other films, and have even been a fan of his more serious films like Dear John and The Vow.

However, in my limited range of male-stripper-movie viewing, such films being The Full Monty and Deuce Bigalow – Male Gigolo, men have either been uncomfortably undressing or doing it comically.

I have seen endless movies where women dance or undress in a sexual way, most James Bond films have them in the titles for goodness sake, and films like Coyote Ugly or Burlesque encourage it. Women are, arguably, sexier and often objectified, so it's not a shock to see them acting in this openly seductive fashion.

Magic Mike was a sort of strange experience for me. I have never seen men try to entice women before, or play the 'meat' role. They were not even acting as prey; they were in control and liked to manipulate their female audience for money. At one point Matthew McConaughey's character said to the team 'You are the husband they never had!'.

The film actually had some pretty deep moments about growing up, drugs and friendship, which also surprised me, just not as much as seeing men objectify themselves (and be good at it).

In this small city there are a number of strip or lap dance clubs full of women who are there to be paid to be looked at. There is a Hooters restaurant in the neighbouring county. Women are accessible, they are everywhere, in real life as well as on screen. But never have I heard of such a place where men do the same and certainly not locally.

I was genuinely unsure of what to think of the film once it was over, so thought I would share my thoughts.

I don't think I have ever seen a cinema screen so full of women, nor such a close up of male genitalia on screen! Regardless of my own confused reaction, you can't argue that it is a refreshing role switch in the history of film making, and I'm glad to hear Tatum has already signed up for the filming of Magic Mike 2.

Introducing: Spadge

These girls are the reason I am called Spadge, a nickname I have managed to carry through college, university, and a Masters degree without too much question. Others call me Sarah, but I prefer the reminder of the most influential years of my life with these two.

Since then I have been through many small career paths, including advertising, graphics, photography, website building, branding, a stint of self-employment doing all of the above, and have now settled with the label 'creative strategist' working in a branding consultancy.

I feel far away from my best friends, and I miss seeing them everyday like we used to. Although, impressively, every time we meet up it is as if nothing has changed, even though major things may have changed in our separate lives.

They have really nailed their introductions, Heather is the quiet, mysterious one, who only ever lets you paddle in her ocean-like mind, and Elle is the go-get-em louder one, who you know will definitely run her own business one day. I guess that leaves me somewhere in the middle? I'd like to think I bring some humour into the group, embarrassing them in public and inflicting my caffeine addiction upon them.

If we are sticking to the Sex And The City metaphor then I am probably Samantha, but don't hold that against me.

ps. Loving the word 'Fruitioned' Eleanor!

Introducing: Heather

My name is Heather but you can call me Hez. I’m the quiet one of the group although I like to think of myself as ‘mysterious’ and a typical Scorpio.

I’m a self employed make up artist covering mainly bridal make up, which is both fun and rather stressful. I’m also a photographer and like to take photos of pretty much everything. I buy clothes like there’s no tomorrow and I love rock music.

I live half with my parents and half with my boyfriend of 4 years and my biggest wish at the moment is to have a baby, how grown up of me!

My two best friends are amazing and it'll be fun to have a blog together. I still can't believe we've been friends for 8 years, time really does fly!

Introducing: Elle

My name is Elle. Spadge branded me the “Carrie” of the group because she reckons I’m the leader, though I’d never looked at our friendship in that dynamic before. I think I’m just the loudest.

We only get to see each other now 2 or 3 times a year, so starting a blog was an idea to keep up to date with each other and since we all find our sense of humour amazing; why not share it with the world?

I’m currently studying Psychology at degree level. That is fun and stressful at the same time. I am also attempting to complete a level 3 diploma in Health and Social care and start my own business. Not that I have any idea what my business will be yet.

My thoughts on Heather: She is a dark horse (I’d put my money on her… every time).

My thoughts on Spadge: She always sees the positive side to things.

They allow me to be the real me no matter what. And I love them for it <3